The First Ever Bishel Fanfic Chapter 2
Written by Quis 

OR

The BANSA HQ Mysteries #1
Also written by Quis

It was a quiet day at the BANSA headquarters complex. 

Clearly this means something was drastically wrong, because short of horrifically large uses of duct tape and chloroform, very little was capable of silencing this bunch of yahoos.

The not-so-secret headquarters of Bishen Addicts Not So Anonymous was a many windowed and immeasurably tall (literally, as floors saw fit to add themselves at random as needed) building surrounded nonsensically by arch upon acre of forest, grassland, desert, and bodies of water connected by darkly mysterious underground tunnels. 
Apparently the Insane Druid of Set Design had struck in the construction of this place.

The building itself was an odd pinkish-lavender. It seems like the BANSA members couldn't agree on a color and resorted to a hex-code-flinging-fight, resulting in #FBD0FF splattered everywhere, and nobody could get it to wash away. Some of the broodier residents were not pleased with this.

Now getting back to the point at hand like good little writers and readers, it was still very quiet, except for the nearly noiseless static silence of people boggling wide-eyed. The plushy furnished front room of the BANSA building was stuffed to the rafters with it. The roof creaked against the strain of so much staring being done.

Decertare, blissfully aware of the tension and it's flavor of impending chaos with a chance of wrath, skipped down the stairs from a balcony- after casing the area to make sure nobody was around to witness her skipping and live to tell of it- down a hall, and through a side door into the grand entrance room. Her guts sank at the sight of dozens of dragon backs standing in a circle and staring at something green, and for a moment she seriously considered turning around and leaving the room before anyone heard her.

"Decertare!"

Too late.

"Dec, what the heck is wrong with your friend?", demanded a random voice from the crowd that the author doesn't feel like pinning down to a specific person.

"Is he sick?", worried another.

"Does he have that disease?" wondered a third. Who let all these random people in? Don't they know that's bad security?

"I don't know! I haven't been around him today and I don't know what he's gotten into and I had nothing to do with it!" Dec started to back away, but... but he was family wasn't he? Dang it.

She sighed, dragging herself into the circle. "Yeah yeah, alright, let me in. What's he done now?" 

In the middle of the circle, just as she'd expected, lay Alucinor, wings clamped over his muzzle. Ana The Fuzzy sat near him with a worried expression, while Kipfel sat nearby with more of a "somebody give me clearance to smack sense into this airhead" expression.

Dec wrinkled her nose in annoyance. "Enough with the games, Alu. What is it?" She reached a paw in and pried a wing away from his face. "Come on, spill!"

"And in conclusion, cow", Alu proclaimed in a strangely female sounding voice before clamping his mouth shut again.

The very walls of the room tried to press outward from the thick pressure of boggle.

"What!?" 

"We tried to tell you, there's something wrong with him. He hasn't been making sense all day."

"As if that were unusual for him," muttered Kipfel, sneaking in a few investigative catlike poke-swats at Alu while nobody was looking.

"Rutabaga?" Alu continued confusedly in a different female voice. "Am I drunk or in heck?"

A regal red arboreal, none other than Queen Faia herself, looked up from the back of the crowd. "Hey, that sounded like Kari! What's he doing an impression of my writer for?" 

Alu hopped excitedly at this and turned to look at Kipfel, catching him off guard midway through finally bring his claws into play with the poking.
"Blind hairless mole rats," Alu said to Kipfel, "that speak VIETNAMESE!"

"What the He-"

"There was a weak spot. And I went 'poke!' And it went 'pop!'"

Kipfel backed away a step, not in fear, but pushed back by the sheer volume of his shock. "Flyboy's finally snapped! It sounds like he's doing an impression of the Rabbit now!"

Alu wiggled in excitement and looked to Dec, eyes wide and hopeful. 

"No. No, you didn't. Tell me you didn't." Dec began to cringe away in horror as the picture came to focus.

Alu put his wings on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes pleadingly, all hopeful sincerity, and said: "Alright, that's it! It's time for ANGRY PEEPS!"

Alucinor had eaten Quis' Quote File.

"What", wondered a concerned Ana who apparently has a sixth sense for catching narration, "is this Quote File?" 

"It's where Quissie writes down all the silly things she and her friends say when they get weird. Or weirder than usual. Whatever." Dec sighed and gave Alu a dirty look.

"Please. Make the little winged man and the tomato GO AWAY," he forlornly answered her glare.

"People actually say these things?"

"Oh yeah, sure. You know how weird our writers are."

There was a moment of silent agreement on this point between every single Bishel dragon in the room. The walls and ceiling relaxed, shock and bewilderment no longer threatening to blow the roof off.

"So... how do we fix him?"

"Chicken soup?", suggested Athena.

"A good bouncing?", hoped Ana.

"Gael!?", demanded a rather confused Kerdu.

"I could do a little neurosurgery...", purred Carcassi.

"Can't I just save us all an afternoon and pound some sense into his skull?", growled Kipfel.

"Said is a perfectly good word!", said Quis the author, after reading the above.

"No no no. There's only one way about it." Dec looked very displeased indeed. "I'm going to have to find a new, empty notepad file for him to empty it out into." With an eye roll and a grumble hurried off, glad to have an excuse to get away from the mess.

All eyes slowly moved back to Alucinor. 

"...What do we do with him while she's gone?"

"There was a noise, like the ripping of a seam, not in any pants, no, but in THE GREAT PANTS OF THE WORLD", suggested Alu.

Decertare trotted through the massive complex, past the (popular) spa for traumatized dragon's recuperation, through the cafeteria full of chicken for Kipfel and pies for Nimbus among dozens of other specialty foods, around the lap pool- and very slowly through the photo and fan art room, because in all honesty, she was a vain red. Nowhere were there writing supplies.

"Well blazes, those head cases have to keep their work stuff somewhere!" growled the frustrated Dec. One plushy green armchair placed randomly in the hallway got up and scooted fearfully away from her. (In kind of a bizarre Darwinian twist, the only furniture remaining were those pieces smart enough to get out of a ticked dragon's way.)

A cold, ominous draft from somewhere... there, off to one side was a creepily dark doorway that went on for several feet before falling to downward stairs. Decetare sniffed at the weirdly unbalanced air and started towards the stairs....

"HALT RIGHT THERE!"

A great big semi-gelatinous cube fell from nowhere to obstruct the entire hallway, making Dec startle and leap backwards. It was dense. It was opaque. Something about it's aura made one's mind go fuzzy gray and sleepy.

It was a painfully thought-slaughtering shade of violent magenta, a sight that would make anyone want to give up their task and run screaming.

It could be only one thing.

"I AM WRITER'S BLOCK!", wailed the mind-numbing demonic square. "AND YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

Decertare scoffed at the pun. "What, did you eat a copy of Lord of the Rings?"

If the thing could look sheepish, it was doing it now. "Okay, so he slipped that line past me. Tolkien was a mighty foe!" It scuffed one of it's corners in an embarrassed circle on the floor. "You STILL can't go by me."

"I'm not trying to write anything!"

"Doesn't matter! No admission without a Muse of some sort, and you have none!"

"....Kipfel is a muse."

"You are not Kipfel."

"No, but if you don't let me by anyway, I'll tell him you pulled on Lowen's tail. Imagine the mood he'd come at you in."

"YOU WOULDN'T!"

"I WOULD!"

The Block trembled in horror, indignation, and finally surrender. It's one visible surface sagged noticeably, and it's booming wail fell over itself into a sullen mutter. "Fine. Be that way then. Don't blame me when you can't handle what you find down there....."

With a loud POP!, a quick twinkle of gold sparkles, and a poof of a rather inappropriate but nonetheless lovely minty fresh scent, Writer's Block disappeared. 

Decertare ran down the stairs and watched as the walls became more stony, damp, and dungeon-like as she went. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here....

INTERMISSION! (back by popular demand)

"When I grow up, I wanna be a peacock! peacock! peacock!", sang Alucinor happily in Lilubunni's voice while strutting around the room puff-chested. "WAR-AR! WAR-AR! WAR-AR!"

A reduced crowd of bishel dragons rolled around on the floor and laughed themselves sick at the sight. Most of the less easily amused dragons had gone off to do other things, and all of the more sane ones had run for their minds even sooner.

"Do Kari again!" demanded a cackling Martia, perched on the back of a nervous couch. 

"My cat killed a giant wyrm."

The poor walls were starting to creak again from all the giggling.

"Jules again!"

"Flicknose? Gitnose? Chompnose? Dodgenose? Sleepnose! Queenose wigglenose wiggleglare broke broke broke." He paused to skip-hop around as the quote required. 
"Plooooooof! AMOEEEEEEEBA!!! Me me me mememememememeeeeee! SQUEEEEEE!!!!! CHICKENS!"

The audience gaped. "You're kidding. They actually say these things? No joke?"

"What are these people on!?"

Alu continued in Jules' voice in answer. "Hee! Crack crack crack crack crack crack. Ow."

"Sounds about right to me."

"Lilu again, Lilu again!" 

"OHSHINYWANTGI-" 

But Alucinor's Lilu was broken by a horrifying, shrill, spine chilling squeal that echoed down the hall. Every Bishel froze in horror.

It could only be one thing.

Decertare dove through a set of doors into the room, eyes wide and haunted as though she'd just been exposed to the greatest horror known to dragon. "Quick! Everybody, barricade the door!"
The order was quickly followed by dragons and furniture alike, though the former glared angrily at Dec as the door started to tremble from something pounding on the other side. 

"You let it out?! ARE YOU INSANE?"

"How could you? Do you know what you've done!?"

"Yeah yeah yeah," snarled Dec as she spread the empty notepad out on the floor in front of Alu. "I didn't see any of you guys trying to help me, it's not my fault it got out! Noo, you were all up here laughing your brains out at the psycobabble! Now what are you waiting for Alu? Spit the stuff out so we can get on with it and work on the other problem."

The Thing outside let loose another terrible squealing wail of desperation, making every dragon in the room wince.

The door began to creak open, scooting the entire barricade a few inches.

"You know," Alu muttered while looking worriedly at the empty notepad, "cotton balls amaze my mind. Ever just stare at them?"

"...You don't know how to get it out, do you."

"The alleged toast now smells of lettuce...."

"DEC! There's no time! The door-"

The door flew open, sending dragons and cushions flying with yelps of surprise and horror. In the doorway stood a dark silhouette...

It's fingers twitched eagerly....

It's eyes glowed red as they scrolled over the room in search of the dragons....

Strands of blonde hair came loose from it's painfully cute little bun....

And it's white baby-t shirt proudly proclaimed "I -heart- BISHEN" with a nauseatingly cute little bright red heart.

It was the BANSA Fan girl.

"IIIEEEEEEE! SWOOSHY!" It squealed in joy, It's eyes landing finally on poor Alucinor, since all the other dragons except for Dec had hidden about the room. In a flash It was on him, knocking Dec aside in It's charge, arms locked around Alu's middle and face adoringly pressed against the side of his neck. "Aren't you just CUTE!"

Poor Alucinor looked like he was being squeezed to death. His cheeks bulged as if he might pop. In fact....

"Marshmallowsdon'thavebones!" he shouted explosively like a sneeze- and the line appeared on the notepad file spread on the floor.

"Awwwwwwwwww, poor widdle Alu, what's wrong?" worried the Fan girl, snuggling him harder as if he were a giant leathery teddy bear while Dec grinned triumphantly at having found a solution. She snuck off to rally the other dragons out from their hiding places for the task of chasing the Fan girl back to her den in the writing basement.

And she'd finally gotten them all back out and into a formation, cautiously stalking up behind the monster, when Alu reached the threshold of all the glomp he could stand. The draconic structure is only built to take so much snug before objecting in the tradition of 'I am dragon, hear me roar". 

Alu, however, was not much the roaring type, so he had to find his own way to protest such treatment. In a great company of random senseless noises much like the one made by Grayling's fourth wall caving in and a painfully senseless jumble of letters and code, the entire unused portion of the Quote File spewed out of his mouth and nose after the fashion of soda drunk by some who is laughing too hard. Letters flew through windows, net-faces bounced off walls, and punctuation rolled to disappear under furniture, never to be seen again. Many dragons yelped or snarled as bits of quote bonked them on the head and back.

"Eeeeeeewwwww!", squealed the Fan girl as It backed away in horror. "That was icky!"

"NOW!" 

The formation of annoyed bishen charged forward to meet the distracted threat head on, charging through the storm of text. It would have looked movingly heroic, if it wasn't so absurd with a quarter of the crowd having p's and q's hanging off their horns.

"IIEEEE!", It squeaked again.

SEVENTH INNING STRETCH

"I think that's the last of it," sighed a tired Dec after dumping another dustbin full of words into the notepad. "Anyone else see more?"

"Nopbe!" Ana had proven permanently cheerful, though was now sounding a bit nasal and congested, as she used her furry tail to sweep for little lowercase letters under things and in corners.

"Buh you know... it doesn't look as long as I remebmer." An equally stuffy sounding Mjolnir wondered with a critical eye on the file. In fact, everyone except Alu sleeping the ordeal off in his room and Dec was sounding under the weather.

(The best rationale they could get out of him for why he'd eaten the Quote File was that someone had told him it would help him fly much better and also taste very yummy. He wouldn't tattle on who it was, but all suspicions pointed to Kipfel, who was nowhere to be found.)

"Probably just our eyes playing tricks of us..."

"Oh come on Chayala, you can't afford to play around with your health like-"

"BY HEALTH ISS JUS FIME!" 

"Hey hey hey. I can't take any more yelling. If anyone does any more yelling today it'd better be me." Dec was in no semblance of a good mood as she glared over at bickering twins Chayala and Verdara. "What's your problem?"

"Oh, Chayala has the strangest sneeze, listen to her talk, her poor sinuses-"

"THERE'S NOFING BRONG WIFH BY SINUSES!" But her muzzle seized up, winkling horribly in clear signal of an oncoming sneeze, and-
"Aaah, aaahhhh.... AH-PH34RMEASIGLOWINTHEDARK!"

Dec gaped in horror. "No, it can't be...."

Yet the strange sneezes were begining to break out all over the room.

"AH-QWI!FERRET!"

"AH-PONKEY!"

"...well, how long could it possibly take for something like this to work it's way out of everyone's system?" wondered Dec in disgust. "Once all the quotes have been said it should go away, and there can't be that many..."

Uh... well, there can be quite a few, actually...

"AH! Disembodied Voice Quis again!? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN THIS FIASCO STARTED? I demand you fix everyone!" Dec yelled venemously in the general direction of the ceiling, since all Disembodied Voices automatically come from above.

Well er, I can't really, they're just going to have to get it all out...

"Can't I do anything to hurry it up? There has to be something."

"Aw cub on Dec, it's nop so bad. It's kina fubby!", giggled Ana, getting a stare-glare from Dec. 

"You've GOT to be kidding me."

Ana only giggled again and sneezed ("AH-DON'TLAUGHATMYISSUES!"), which caused her to giggle even more. The other dragons, upon inspection, were all enjoying themselves as well. After all, this was the crowd that had stayed behind to laugh at Alu's quoting in the first place.

With a shudder of disbelief Dec turned to the regal Faia, hoping that she at least would have enough sense to be upset about this-

-and found her very amusedly doing an impression of Gary the Goldfish feeling unloved, which apparently Quis had caught someone in the act of at some point.

And that is why Decertare spent the next straight week shut in her room with five shiny brand new deadbolt locks recently installed.

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